Rite of Rebirth
FOI Mystery Drama

I performed the Rite of Rebirth this afternoon with great joy. I have felt during my study in the Path of Self that I was becoming a better more creative person who is taking responsibility for my own life. I also seem to be able to trust my inner knowing and hearing without question and can act on this knowledge.

My awakening came at the dark altar. The Goddess gave me my golden headband with the cobra that circles my forehead. Then She lifted a veil up over my head and said "you may go now child." I also saw very bright colors before this happened, bright blue and red.



The night before the rite, the Elders of the FOI and other guides came to me during Dreamtime. All were female. One of them put the necklace of Rebith around my neck, while others were annointing my body. This same FOI guide who placed the necklace on me is rather forthright, which I prefer. “It is time to grow-up,” she said. She said this without judgement or accusation, and I knew that she was right. At least two of the women present appearred to be quite elderly, with very boney hands and long fingers; they were wearing black robes. It is still difficult for me to tell who is incarnate and who is not, but they all work together, whether their conscious minds know it or not. It seems that the Fellowship spans many dimensions.

I had spent many days reading over the Rite before I actually performed it on September 17, 2005. With every reading, I could feel aspects of myself stir within me, as if preparing for what is to come. The day of the ritual, I spent quite some time preparing my space. I used a rain rattle and sage for clearing. Isis and Osiris stood on my altar, with my Matron Goddess, Cerridwen, in front of them. Interestingly enough, much of the jewelry used in the ritual came from the storage unit that I had emptied at the end of the Path of Self. I took a cleansing shower after my space was prepared. The women whom I had seen that night before were all with me, waiting for me to begin. And so I did.

I confess that my veil did create some awkward moments during the rite, often blurring my vision, and its length flapped around a bit, but the descent itself felt real and powerful. I did feel quite bare there, stripped of my abilities as symbolized by the removal of the adornments. As I sat in front of Allatu’s altar, I could feel the women around me. I felt the urge to lie down to meditate, and as I did, I called out to Cerridwen. Suddenly, I heard, “It is I who wishes to speak with you!” And there was Allatu on a stony throne immersed in darkness. The darkness muted her features so that I was only able to perceive piercing blue eyes, and, unlike the descriptions of Her, subtle outlines of horns on her head. I was in the same darkness, lying there looking-up at what should have been a very intimidating figure, but She was not. When I ackowledged Her, Her manner of communication changed and became more subtle, as if She were quite content that She had my attention now. She then simply began to send me a rush of thoughts that I can only paraphrase now. She communicated to me that my request for rebirth also signifies the rebirth of those around me, for as I am reborn so will others experience a transformation, for we are all connected. This means that my relationships with those close to me will change. These bonds will mature and we will see each other quite differently now. I appreciated this message, because I had been feeling that some very old relationship patterns had been “holding me back” from being all that I AM. I now understand why this change in the nature of my connections to others is an important component of my rebirth. I suspect, however, that it will be my perception of these connections that will change.

After the delivery of this message, I embarked on my ascent from Allatu’s realm, gave thanks to all aspects of Deity involved, and closed the ritual. The women were still with me, pleased with the results, but one claimed that “it wasn’t over yet.”

Several nights later, I was awakened by a Dreamtime experience with one of the Elders. She began to tell me that everything I had prepared for is coming into fruition now. Allatu also visited me and reminded me to keep my thoughts in check. I am now understanding that my first interaction with Her during the rite itself planted a seed: she forced me to evaluate my perceptions of others that were feeding a very negative cycle. My rebirth is internal, and the release of old perceptions and thoughtforms is akin to an exorcism. Once you get used to thinking in a certain way, the internal changes needed to yield external ones is very, very difficult—and painful. I know that this is all a part of “growing-up,” as the Elder had told me. It’s time to quit living as the wounded child and to be freed from the fetters of limiting thoughtforms and belief structures.


I performed this ritual on Tuesday the 31st of August. Afterwards I had strong feelings that this ritual set something in motion. No flashes or appearances, but I experienced someone present and a touch of something that is greater than me. It was the loving presence from the Goddess Allatu who told me to accept and embrace my dark side instead of hating it. I discovered a deep fear inside myself that my darker aspects should hinder me to become a priestess. To act "good" in a stiff and unnatural way can cause problems. Dark and light are together like day and night are together and complementary. In the dark earth in winter can seed grow and develop. I felt the presence of the Gods, even now. My initiation and the call of my rebirth were heard between the worlds. It is an oath and a promise that is forever. I feel radiant and my view and senses are widened and much more sensitive. A beautiful experience!


This was an extremely intense ritual experience. It was a very scary sensation to be losing myself and descending into the Underworld. I felt helpless, cold and alone. It is amazing how the imagination truly can place you within a context. With the extinguishing of each candle, I felt a little sense of panic come over me. By the time I began to feel a little more comfortable with each "loss" - each thing I had to give up - I was once again facing increased trepidation. The near-blackness of the room left with only the red candle burning was very effecting. I felt I was actually in another place - far from the safety of my room.

I sat before the candle and meditated. I closed my eyes and heard a voice - the same voice of the Goddess I've heard before - repeating over and over. "There is no death. There is only life. The soul knows no death. Where you think you see death, there is life - perhaps hidden, but it is there. There is always life."

When I opened my eyes, in the glint of the candlelight, there was a tiny bug of some sort, dancing in the shadows on the wall, gleefully, as if to show me that, indeed, even in the places you least expect it, you can find life bustling with energy. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, the little bug was gone, as quickly as it had first arrived. An involuntary smile came to my lips and all my fear vanished. The ever-present terror at the prospect of death that I've had since earliest childhood also seemed to begin to fall away. I began to see that death is simply change - it is not an ending by any means.

In the weeks since I enacted the ritual, I have been overwhelmed by how at peace I feel. Ever since I can remember, I have awoken in the middle of the night several times a week in a cold sweat, panicked over the thought that I would die someday and perhaps no longer exist. Since I performed the ritual, I haven't had that feeling once - not even anything remotely like it, whether I was awake or asleep. I'm no longer as terrified of everyday dangers - and I'm no longer afraid for the fate of the people I love.


In many ways this was a difficult, if ultimately worthwhile ritual. During the descent phase I was reminded of a Zen-like meditation I'd tried years ago that involved mentally stripping away the superficial layers of what one thought of as one's identity: "I'm not my clothes. . . I'm not my room. . . I'm not my job. . . I'm not my body". . . etc. The Rite of Rebirth however, took me through some not-so-superficial layers very quickly, and I confess that it was not at all easy to part with such precious gifts, many of which were newly acquired, even in the abstract, even temporarily. Stripped bare, I reluctantly sat before the red candle hoping that the darker aspect of Her presence would reveal itself as a friend, a force of regeneration and release. What I felt was more a deep sorrow than fear, a sorrow that was somehow connected to the sense of my own mortality and that of those I love, to the idea that all the love and beauty of the world that I cherish is entirely ephemeral. (While this idea has lost some of its power over me as my spiritual studies progress, it has roots that run deep are pretty stubborn.) As I meditated, emptying my mind, the single message that came to me was a simple one: "I am here." It was the voice that I knew as Hers, the Bright Lady. As I sat in the dark of the bottom of my mental universe, stripped of so much that I held dear, the Goddess of Light was still with me. She revolved before my mind's eye revealing each of Her faces, in turn, that are dearest to me: Selene. . . Brigid. . . Bastet. . . Isis. . . Hestia. I began my ascent with relief, and emerged exhausted.

The month following the rite has been a challenging one. I seem to be purging all sorts of negative emotions and experiences through unhappy dreams. . . More than ever, as I face life's challenges, Her power message resonated within me: "I am here." As I face my fears, She is there. As I continue to grow and challenge myself as an artist, She is there, more present in my life than ever.


I was very aware of the Goddess as a pillar of light on my right side. Each gate was a powerful experience of actual surrender and later reclaiming. I went through each as through I WAS in the actual Descent and felt more than my usual sense of self doing each action. It was solemn, grave, weighty and somehow graceful, beautiful in a dark, mysterious way. I felt in a space of stone and shadow, not in my room. I saw the Goddess at each gate and saw Her surrender. Time slowed down. Each thought stayed in the air. Each gate was like the sound of a gong, going on and on. I watched each attribute fall away for a long time. At the bottom, I heard a *very* beautiful voice speaking in a language I could not grasp - several times.

As I emerged, pure joy overflowed, the kind that takes me beyond myself and is so rare. When I turned outward to the FOI centers I distinctly heard in my mind, "It is done." After I thoroughly closed the ritual and sat there a lingering bit, I heard again, "It is done" and knew this meant I had been accepted.

The ritual seems to have brought me a lasting connection with the Goddess of the Underworld. The "dark side" of a few life situations has come up to the surface, and some clearer awareness of my own repressed dark side is coming up within. Strangely, this is either enriching the situation or changing it. Within myself, I'm expressing it with some creativity.